A Series Of Unfortuante Events!
by Super-Saiyan-3-Vegeta
Summary: A one shot of small stories!. This is purely for humor. I may continue this in the future possibly.
1. Chapter 1

**Accidents?**

**Disclaimer: I do not nor will I ever own Harry Potter.**

**This is purely a crack fic. I had several thoughts of humor that I decided to display. Hope you enjoy.**

**Accio?**

Harry Potter was bored. He stared out the window of the DADA classroom as Mad-Eye rumbled on.

"Now, does anyone know the summoning charm?" Moody asked. Harry perked up at this. He did after all use it during the first task.

Harry held his hand high as did Hermione. Harry snorted. He wasn't surprised that his friend had already done the spell.

"Excellent, always be prepared. Remember what I always say." The class groaned as in unison they all said aloud "Constant Vigilance."

"That's the spirit. Now, Potter! Stand up so you can give us a demonstration."

Harry sighed as he got to his feet. He hated having all the attention on him.

"Now Potter, I want you to think about something that you know you could never get your hands on. Now, think about it hard than summon it." Mad-Eye cackled.

Harry thought about it for a moment before a smile creeped onto his face. He held his wand out and shouted "Accio Voldemort!"

Several classmates cried out in horror at the mention of the dark wankers name. Suddenly a stampede of students were rushing towards the door in fear of Voldemort suddenly appearing.

Mad-Eye regarded Harry with a frown. "I don't think that's going to work Mr. Potter."

Harry shrugged. "It was worth a try. I figured we could get this whole mess over with."

Harry passed the group of students who were jostling for a position to get out of the room.

Moody sighed and headed for his office. No one heard the high pitched scream of Tom Riddle as he slammed head first into the stone wall of Hogwarts which killed him instantly.

**To Hell With It!**

Harry was once again bored as he sat on the bench beside Ron. Their dates at the ball were glowering at them with pure hatred.

Ron wouldn't shut up about Hermione.

"I swear mate. She's gone off the deep end. I mean why would she abandon us like that for a bloke like Viktor." Ron said miserably.

"I don't know mate." Harry frowned.

Suddenly Ron perked up as Viktor excused himself and headed for the punch bowl. Ron smiled and turned to Harry with a shit eating grin.

"Harry, I've got an idea mate. Go kiss Hermione"

Harry stared at Ron like he had two heads. "Why would I do that?" He asked.

Ron sighed "Harry, if you kiss her, Viktor will get mad and leave. Than Hermione will come back to us."

Harry frowned "Why don't you do it?"

Ron sighed again in frustration. "Simple, because Viktor can't do anything to you. You're a fellow Champion. He would be in trouble for sure if he tried anything."

Harry thought about it for a moment and looked over at Hermione. Her hair seemed to shine in the lights around the room.

He turned to Ron. "O.K." He got up and headed towards the girl in question. Ron, not really expecting Harry to do it, watched as his best friend headed towards the girl he liked.

Harry grabbed Hermione by the arm and spun her around. She barely had time to register a thought and a gasp that sounded like "Harr.." Before Harry pulled her into a kiss.

The whole ballroom seemed to come to a stand still as everyone gasped at the two kissing.

Hermione's eyes were wide at first before a feeling inside the back of her head kicked in and she closed her eyes. She pressed herself into the kiss which was quickly becoming more heated.

Suddenly the two were broken apart by a very angry Viktor.

"What are you doing with my woman?" He growled.

Hermione growled upon hearing this. "Your woman? I'm my own woman."

She turned to Harry "Come on Harry, let's continue this somewhere else." She grabbed his arm and everyone watched as Hermione Granger practically dragged Harry Potter from the ballroom.

Everyone was froze for a moment before each looked at each other and shrugged. The dancing soon resumed. Everyone returned to normal except for a certain red head who looked like his world had crumbled.

Meanwhile..Elsewhere in the castle a certain bushy-haired witch was getting the grand tour of a broom closet thanks to one Harry Potter.

**The Power that He knows not!**

Upon a bizarre potions accident Harry is granted the powers to literally think things into existence.

Harry sat in the medical wing again in his familiar bed. Hermione and Ron at his side.

"Harry, are you O.K?" Hermione asked.

Harry frowned. He would be if only he had some taco's with a shot of tequila.

Suddenly, five taco's and a bottle of tequila appeared before him. All three blinked in surprise.

"Bloody hell" Ron gasped. Hermione slapped him on the shoulder for his language.

"Harry, what just happened?" She asked Harry.

He shrugged. "I just thought about it and it appeared." His thoughts drifted and he found himself thinking about Tonks in a hot bikini on a beach with himself rubbing suntan lotion into her back.

All three gasped as their surroundings changed and Harry found himself on his knees rubbing oil onto a topless Tonks. Said witch was laying on her stomach sighing in content as Harry rubbed the lotion in.

He looked around to see a very red Hermione pointedly looking away. Ron however was staring at Tonks with his mouth hanging open.

'Wow, this power rules. I wonder what else I could do." Harry and the rest suddenly found themselves in a very large room in front of a roaring fireplace.

"Harry, where are we now?" Hermione asked.

Her question was answered when a door opened from the side and Harry's parents walked through followed by Sirius.

"Mom, Dad?" Harry gasped. He ran towards them and flung himself into their arms.

Both parents hugged their son back fiercely. Harry pulled back and smiled at Sirius before launching himself into the man.

"How is this possible?" Harry asked taking a step back. All three adults shrugged.

"Who knows. But Harry, you will only know sadness again if you don't do something about Voldemort."

Harry thought about it for a moment before a smile became etched onto his face. "O.K. It's done!" He stated.

Everyone looked at him in shocked silence.

"Harry, what did you do?" Hermione gasped.

Harry turned towards her smiling. "Ever watch a Road Runner Cartoon?"

Miles away Voldemorts ring of death eaters were shocked as an Anvil of gigantic proportions crashed through the roof and crushed the dark lord.

**The End? **

**A/N: Let me know if you like this series of stories. If so I'll try to put out more in the future.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Not Again?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. **

**A/N: Please remember that this is for fun and humor only. And is something I just mess with in my spare time.**

**To The Death!**

Harry and Voldemort stared at each other across the grounds. The battle between to two powerful wizards had raged for nearly twelve hours between the two. So long in fact that both death eaters and the castles residents stopped fighting and watched the battle between the two wizards.

Both combatants stood there taking deep breaths as they stared at each other.

"It seems that we have come to a stalemate." Voldemort stated.

Harry nodded his agreement. Voldemort looked around at his various followers before turning back to Harry.

"It seems we have to finish this any way we can." Voldemort growled.

"Very well, I have an idea how we can settle this." Harry stated. Voldemort stared at Harry in silence for a moment before nodding.

"We settle it by MORTAL KOMBAT!" Harry yelled jumping to his feet.

Three Hours Later...

"Got ya now Voldy!" Harry yelled as Scorpion used his spear to bring Volde's Kitana in close for an uppercut.

"Quick, Counter it master." Wormtail screamed in his masters ear. Voldemort growled and fired a AK over his shoulder at the man. No one seemed moved as Wormtail hit the ground dead.

Finally Harry beat Voldemort for the tenth time. Voldemort growled and tossed down his controller in frustration.

The two stood up and stared at each other. "Very well Potter. You win." Voldemort spun on his heal with his cape swirling in the wind. He was never seen again.

Ron came up to stand beside Harry. "Huh, so that's the power he knows not."

**Gas Mode!**

Harry sat down cheerfully at breakfast in the great hall. Ron and Hermione turned to him immediately.

"You sure are cheery this morning mate." Ron said as he crammed food into his mouth.

Hermione winced at Ron's table manners before turning to Harry. "Yeah, you do seem awfully cheerful. What gives?" She asked.

Harry's grin spread even further. "I decided to play a prank on Voldemort."

Hermione frowned while Ron mumbled something.

"What did you do Harry?" Hermione asked sternly.

"I convinced all the ghosts in Britain and Europe to help me." Hermione frowned and Harry smiled "I mixed a potion together that when ingested would ensure that anyone who worships or aids the dark lord will release farts uncontrollably."

Hermione frowned. "What potions did you use?" She asked curiously.

Harry beamed and handed over her a list of potions and ingredients he used. Hermione looked it over a few times before her face suddenly paled. Harry raised an eyebrow in concern.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked worriedly.

"Harry! Do you know what you have done?" Harry shook his head. Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Harry, while you did create a potion to make wizard's and witches pass gas. You've botched some of the key ingredients."

"Which ingredients?" He asked.

"Harry! What you have created is a love potion with a side effect. Anyone who ingests the potion will fall for you. They will also have bad flatulence."

Harry was about to speak when several loud ripping noises were heard. Harry glanced around to see several girls looking at him.

One by one girls from each house began to let em rip. Surprisingly the guys soon started doing the same. Even to Harry's horror, Draco.

Harry slowly slid out of his seat as Hermione was next on the list. He slowly started walking towards the great doors of the hall.

As one the student population rose as well. Harry managed to reach the doors as the entire student population moved towards him.

Harry got through the door and made a dash towards the trail that led to Hogsmeade.

He forgot to watch his step and promptly fell on his face. Stars swam before his eyes as he rolled onto his back. He found himself staring at the entire student body.

"Make way! Stand Back!" Albus Dumbledore pushed through the crowd towards Harry brandishing his wand.

Harry smiled. The Professor would surely help him. Dumbledore came to a stop in front of Harry.

"I must insist everyone get back to the main hall. Harry's mine!" Dumbledore said.

Harry's eyes widened. "OH HELL NO!" He turned and quickly bolted towards the lake.

To an outside observer it would have been a peculiar sight to see the boy-who-lived to be running across the grounds with the student population chasing after him with Albus Dumbledore in the lead.

**Full Of Yourself?**

Harry was walking past an empty class room when he heard music playing. He paused as he passed the door. He took a step back and his jaw dropped.

Draco was posing in front of a mirror singing "I'm too sexy" By Right Said Fred.

Harry turned and walked on. This would be something he'd never forget.

**Veela Attraction!**

Harry sighed as he stared at the students from the various schools. For some reason the professor had asked the two foreign schools to return during his six year. As to Dumbledore's reason for doing this he never said. He smiled as he noticed that Ron was drooling slightly as he gazed at the girls from Beauxbatons.

He was broken out of his musings by a 'cough'. He turned to stare into a pair of bright blue eyes.

"Yes?" He asked lazily.

The girl looked similar to the rest. She had waist length silvery blond hair with her blue eyes.

"I'm sorry for bothering you.. Um.. what's your name?" She asked innocently. Harry noticed a blush grace her cheeks.

Harry beamed a warm smile at her. "Harry Potter." He stated.

The girls eyes widened and she turned to nod at the Ravenclaw table.

Harry was suddenly jerked up to his feet. He noticed that he was surrounded by twenty silvery-blond haired girls.

"All Hail The Boy-Who-Lived!" The girls chanted.

He was hoisted above their heads and marched out of the great hall and onto the grounds.

The remaining students and teachers stared in wonder for a moment before they all broke into runs towards the main doors.

Everyone watched as the Veela's marched into the Forbidden Forrest with The Boy-Who-Lived held high above their shoulders.

..

Harry Potter would return two weeks later by being transported directly to the hospital wing. He was treated a broken pelvis and dehydration.

The Twenty Veela had returned and each had slept for three days straight before they woke.

Nine months later each Veela girl gave birth to a green-eyed blond-haired girl.

**Broom Closets!**

Harry Potter frowned at the noise in the common room. The Gryffindors were throwing a party as usual. While he did enjoy parties he just wasn't in a party mood today.

The guys and girls had gotten together and decided that the theme of the party would follow a tidbit from a muggle movie that Seamus had watched.

It was simple really. A boy and girl would have to spend twenty minutes in a broom closet. They were not allowed after the twenty minutes was let up unless the girl or the guy kissed each other.

Harry had decided to not partake in the event but still he lay stretched across the couch. He was amused by his fellow dorm mates actions.

The closet door opened and Lavender and Dean stepped out. Lavender's face was flushed but had a large smile pasted on it. Dean had a goofy expression as he wondered off to sit down.

Harry shook his head and looked off to the side. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed Luna and Ginny chatting. 'What on Earth was Luna doing in the Gryffindor common room.

The names were chosen at random. A person would reach into the hat and call the two names.

Ron reached into the hat and pulled out two pieces of paper. His eyes widened slightly at seeing Harry's and Ginny's name. His face became flushed. No way he was going to let his best mate snog his little sister.

He quickly crumpled the paper back up and made a show that he had dropped it accidentally before grabbing another piece of paper. When he read the name this one caused him to frown.

"Harry And Luna!" He called out.

Harry's head jerked up at the mention of his name. "But.. I'm not playing." He sputtered.

The guys laughed and hauled him to his feet. Before he knew it, he was shoved inside of the broom closet. He watched as Luna calmly walked past the jealous eyes of the various girls in the room. Harry could hear snide remarks about Luna as she passed the girls. She stepped into the closet and the door was shut.

Harry rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. He wasn't quite sure what to do next.

Luna stepped close to him and rested a hand on his shoulder. "It's o.k. Harry. You can kiss me."

Harry had to squint to see her smile in the dim light. He took a deep breath and pulled her close.

Their lips met and he was rewarded with the most amazing sensation he had ever felt.

Luna's lips were warm and inviting, with a taste of honey. He started to break it off but Luna held him close.

Harry didn't mind however as his brain waved bye bye and his blood was redirected. Luna took a step back and Harry's eyes widened as Luna started to disrobe.

….

"How long have they been in there?" Seamus asked Ron. Ron shrugged.

"It's going on thirty." Ron said.

"What do you think their doing?" Seamus asked.

"Beats me. From all the thumps we keep hearing it sounds like their trying to find another way out of the closet." Ron said.

**A/N: I decided to add another chapter just for the fun of it. This may continue or it may not. It's something I'll thank about in the future.**


End file.
